breath in breath out

I'm terrible at making decisions. No, really--one of the worst.(ini seyessss)

The problem is that I see both sides. Of everything. Always. And this isn't even an exaggeration, either. It's true: I'm perpetually, inevitably torn. So when big decisions roll around--the kind that can change my life course, alter my destiny, and quite possibly reshape life as I know it? Well, folks, anxiety doesn't even cover it.

I find myself making list after list, panicked and flustered as I weigh the pros and cons. But what if... And then I could... How about I... But, but, but--on and on, for as long as my mind can stand it, until I finally throw up my hands and say Enough.

And when I reach that enough place--the eventual breaking point where I decide that my sanity is seriously at stake--I realize that I simply have to choose. To choose based on my gut, on my heart, on that tiny little voice that finds the strength to whisper only when all hope feels lost. And then, after choosing, comes the really difficult part--the aftermath, the quiet hours when the weight of a decision can fully sink in. 

It's ongoing, that challenging aftermath. It involves re-choosing, day after day, and accepting the fact that either way--no matter which path you'd picked--you would have been forced to look back and wonder regardless. If you'd settled on A, you would have wondered about B. If you'd opted for B, you would suddenly remember A's appeal. 

Such is life. Such is choosing. And yet--how wonderful it is, and how lucky we must feel, for having a choice in the first place.

P/S:Things happen. You have NO idea what will happen in a week from today or even in a few hours. Chances are something will happen that will knock you down (whether it be emotionally or psychically) but you've just got to pick yourself back up. I know what happened isn't a big deal and I'm pretty sure anyone in my place would have done the same thing. And sure, I'm a little worried about it all and the "What if's" But you know what? You only have one chance to do it, there are risks doing anything in the world. So you just gotta go have fun, right? 

I am, are you? =)

heart's little bubble