Either you love didn't love at all

"When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else...seem so small."

One of the thing that lessen the feeling that I am not alone is when I discover that someone that I don't even know is also yearning and longing to be with someone whom they should be over by the law of this world. What never cease to amaze me is the quick shift that someone you spend a lot of time with, loving, can quickly fall under the category of someone who becomes just a somebody in your everyday life. A somebody who may never be just somebody because you're not able to forget but becomes so anyways. There is a quote that I used to see that I used to be completely against in. Haha I am not sure why I've always thought opposite of what these quote said but I am starting to think that maybe they were right but I was just being a hipster about it. But the quote is "There is no "d" in love, it's either you love or didn't love at all" My automatic answer used to be that "yes! your love for someone can turn into "Loved" because when something does not work out, we have to move on because life moves on whether we like it or not"..I just thought that if someone didn't love me anymore why should I continue to do so because when the love is one side it seems that it falls under an unrequited love...and those are not fun at all. Ha! I thought I was mature then but I realized that although I am not that immature however I am just glad that I am still learning because life is constant realizations and constant learning.

How do you know where the balance is? In love and looking for it, I mean. I'm not talking about anyone specific here, so no need to start up the rumour mill. The scenario usually goes like this: First I backs off, then he back off. Then everything turns up side down. It's sort of a sad state of affairs really. And sometimes, I wonder if my past or our past makes it just a little harder to decipher the clues and cues. 
I don't want it to. I wish it didn't. But I can't help feeling like it does. At least sometimes.
Half the time, this leaves me having this conversation in my head:


Me: Don't you ever get tired of doing "the right thing?"
Me: Why, yes, Sophie, I do. I know exactly how you feel. 
Me: phewww.... I'm glad I'm not the only one. 
Me: Don't worry. you're not. Sometimes I feel like I'm always letting my (well, ours) mind dictate our actions and pushing our heart full of pumping emotions further and further down into our subconscious? (aihh...)

 I came to the conclusion that there could be a bit of truth in that quote because I live this quote almost every day. You see when you fell in love with someone but circumstances changes the situation, it doesn't mean that you automatically forget what made this person laugh, smiles or forget about their dreams.  It's like a memory from your childhood, it's no longer there but you remember great details about it, a moment you remember playing dress up, a moment where you were happy all the time, as time change the physical moment are gone but the memories have the tendency to stay. Sure the feeling of falling in love may fade away but I think it shifts from falling in love to simply love and care about the person.I am not going to pretend that the feeling doesn't fade away because even after the heart goes through a heartbreak, it has the power to go on and love again.


P/S: I have no words to say. I'm not going to fight, I'm not going to defend anything. Just one thing, THANK YOU for loving me, THANK YOU for caring.THANK YOU. =) I think we’ll be happy – ecstatic with our lives. I certainly hope we’ll be happy. Scars can become less prominent, patches can be removed, bruises can fade. We’ll heal
  
 ..just stay in love... teeheee... ^^

                                                             Heart's little bubble <3

other half

I myself believe in LOVE Or better that more or less there is a person for each of us. Our other half. The problem begins when we believe there s only one such a person.statistically.. there should be more of them.. but how likely are we going to meet half of them during our life? well.. very unlikely. so when we meet somebody we r trying to hold on to them as if this is our last boat to paradise. our last ticket to a happy life and that s exactly where we r making a mistake. it is very human. me myself i am like that, too. i know that when we loose something very precious and refuse to blur our vision with tears we can see other chances 
other options, other opportunities coming to us. and they r usually much more desirable than those we gave up. but yet we r not willing to give anything up. because we r afraid to stay alone. whatever that means. even for a little while. even this little while seems like eternity to us. 

also.. there s another point of view.. taking chances like that takes courage and cold brain.. a very little of emotions and a hand that is not shaking when holding a stiff knife..

Dear everyone, Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don't have to like it... it's just easier if you do.
  
Therefore, Love to the fullest while you are able to LOVE 

heart's bubble

How it is possible?

I've finally finished reading the book a couple of weeks ago. Surprisingly this book was bought by me last semester (around dec-jan..you see,me myself had forgotten about it :P ) After keeping it on the table for couple of month,i finally had the chance to read it . =)   

Thanks For The Memories BY Cecilia Ahern

"Cecelia Ahern is queen of the modern fairytale ;In Thanks for the Memories,Ahern has given her readers exactly what they want: love, magic, happy endings.And most of all,hope"

The Irish Times

Ok, let's get back to the review. Now, I found it hard to read the first few chapter because it was more to flash back. But i just continue reading and u know what, it cause me still on the couch for few hours.Yes..i am..Meaning that am in love with the book. =D  I find out that the writer presented a sweet and very enjoyable tale.

I like the quote from this novel."How can you know someone you've never met?"

   Joyce Conway leaves hospital after recovering from a terrible accident. Having faced a near-death experience, she is suddenly awakened to the stark reality of her futile marriage, and vows to start afresh -- separating from husband Conor and moving back in with her dad. Justin Hitchcock arrives in Dublin to give a guest lecture. Recently divorced and living near his daughter Bea, but far from his Chicago home, he's lonely and restless. When beautiful doctor Sarah persuades him to give blood, he nonchalantly accepts, hoping he'll at least get a date with her. Then one rainy evening, Joyce and Justin cross paths in the strangest of circumstances. They have no idea that their fates are more entangled than they could ever have imagined ! It is a tale of déjà vu via blood transfusions. They connected to each other through the blood transfusion.Sweet isn't it? =)

 Now i would like to admit to you that I love the storyline. =) 

Hmm..okay that's all on the book review.New semester just started and another new subject to be learn so people,thats mean I started to get myself busy again..huhuhu..But anyway I i will try to steal some times to read.. okay..

Till i see you again ^^

P/S : Can you love someone that you have never meet? Can you?  Let your heart whispers..
- So listen carefully,smile and ...spread the Love..

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I wouldn’t trade it for the world

Relationship..A words that have a lots of definitions in many aspect.I was thinking about a relationship between man n woman where "love" exist to tide it up. These special relationship had been exist even before you and me existed in this world.Aha, we are here now because there's a relationship made us exist. now we can see the power of a relationship.Now let me share to you some other side of the relationship .

Relationships come with a lot of tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we get hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why do we do it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty when everything falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being. I’ll tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight”, the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience. When two people are just loving each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you this, having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Having someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special. Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yeah, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but having that someone that you feel so comfortable with, someone that you let inside your soul, someone that lets you inside theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, having someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

P/s: LOVE is not a maybe thing


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who make u a King?...

I’ve always had to deal with people telling me what to do, with parents, work, school, and sometimes even friends. I’ve finally started doing what I want and what I need to do for myself. I heard a song the other day that made me think about the way I deal with Life, its by Sara Bareilles call The King of Anything. Music has always had a way of speaking to my soul, and this song brought a special message. Life is too short to be living on someone else’s terms. My parents have taught me everything they could and my heart must fill in the gaps. Ilove who I have become because of what I have told myself to do, because of what I decided was right. We must be the king of everything in our lives and rule over what is being done and not let others lead us down the roads that are meant for them. Everyone’s path is different, find yours and follow it the way you want to. Don’t let others tell you how to live, who to be, or what is right.

tadaaaa.............i cut my hair short... <3

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i'll do it all again

Every once in a while we find ourselves a little lost.  Sometimes we lose faith, we lose someone we love, or we misread our directions in life.  We make wrong turns, we take bad advice, and we go against our better judgment.  When these things happen, we experience the realness of life.  These experiences make us realize that dreams are merely dreams if we don't face the reality of what it takes to make them come true.  Once again, I find myself at this point.

After a number of 'wrong turns' and a list of bad decisions, I find myself a victim of my own mistakes.  

Being a victim of your own mistakes is the worst of all - because, after all, you play the role of both perpetrator and the one being victimized.Therefore, it comes down to your only two options:  continue to make the same mistakes OR, simply change.  

 I have decided to choose the latter option.  I'm going to change.

Except this time, it is not a "cold turkey" change.  It isn't something that I decided to do one day out of the blue.  I have been changing.  The inner-most depths of my heart and soul have endured heartache and pain and learned lessons the hard way.  Therefore, I can take what I learned from my past darkest hours and use it to shine some light on the gloom that creeps around me.  As for the people I have hurt along the way, I am sorry.  I can only hope that the ones who know me best know that I want to do whatever it takes to make it better, no matter how long that may take.  I find glimpses of joy in knowing that I am prayed for, supported, worried for, concerned for, cared for, and most of all - loved. 

I have a strong, loving family, supportive family who loves me and a multitude of well-wishing friends.  I am surrounded by love, which brings me peace as well as happiness.  I have past mistakes that serve as a reminder that no matter how tough life may get, it goes on.  I have a certain amount of jadedness that edged me and shaped me into knowing that it isn't about how many times you fall down in life as long as you get back up.  There is an understanding inside of me that knows that suffering is a part of life, but enough knowledge in me, too, that assures me that there are plenty of things to rejoice in at the same time.  I have faith in a Lord that never leaves me, provides for me, and gives me a fortress and refuge.  I have a book that is filled with the truth and is a lamp unto my feet.  I have love, guidance, and new direction in so many ways.

 That is why I know that it doesn't end here.  As a victim of my own mistakes, I am in control of fixing those mistakes.  I have a choice to hate myself or love myself or abandon myself.  The love vs. hate - this I struggle with but I always come to the conclusion that I will find a way to love myself no matter what.  That was one of the lessons learned the hard way - if I love myself, others will love me as well.  If I hate me, hate will linger and ruin much more than just the soul that dwells inside of me.  If I abandon myself, I will waste the ambition, perseverance, and self-actualization that are still a part of me.  Although darkened by shadows of my past mistakes, those things are still very much there and are the sails that will carry me back out to sea when my ship is repaired.

So, as I prepared to be worked on - nurtured, loved, supported, and cared for by the family and friends I mentioned above, I just want to say thank you for those that love me despite my self-circumstance.  We all live in this world together but experience LIFE in such different ways... even though I expect very few people or no one at all to understand me and this transition I find myself in, I still hope that I am allowed to prove myself again and regain the respect and admiration that I once had of so many people.  I've let some people down - mostly that strong and loving family I hold so dearly, but I am confidant in this very moment because of the confidence they continue to instill in me - even in my darkest hour.

Thank you to those that support me and love me.  And for those that don't, I understand your disappointment.  I have disappointed myself but have also made myself proud by doing what is best for me at this particular point in life.  I hope I can gain the chance to overcome these disappointments - this is my very prayer.  After all, it is a winding road when you're in the lost and found. Even more, I'm turning around and changing my life.  I will never give up! Phewww..

 Another you =)

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You can love again, but you can’t live again.

2010

When I look back on this year there are various words coming up, but I think: free, careless, laughter,bad and good times,bitter and sweet, sums it up pretty well. I've learned to care less about what people think of me, I am less insecure than before and learned to stand up for myself and be an own secure person, a lot stronger than before. I'm proud of myself for that, and because of this I learned to let go. Not to over think and analyze everything. Letting some thoughts/things/people go and stop caring so much. When I look back I see good times, so much fun, just let everything be. Lots of late nights and being free.Bad times nearly stop me from moving forward but i manage to hang on and keep on moving on the right path. But after all my bitter times was covered by the sweetest times given…Hmm..Even it doesn't last for long yet it making me smile :)  This year has been a year to catch my breathe, take a break and laugh it off. I see this year as a year of with such great moments with a lot of highs in love and friendship and a lot of these memories are actually making me smile at this moment just thinking about it. It has been a great year and I've learned a lot about myself and the importance of friendship.

2011

I want my 2011 to be a little bit more substantial and I don't want to escape anymore from the 'heavy things'. It is time to put my act together and find out what I want. I've always been scared to make big decision and commit myself to one thing as I am scared to make the wrong decision and end up with lots of regret. Looking back at 2010, I ran away from the important stuff but I feel I have to face it this year. I want to be less afraid of the future. I always kind of liked the feeling that everything was possible and I had the whole world in front of me with all its options. This year it will come down to the fact that I have to make decisions and plan my future a bit, which scares the shit out of me. This year I want to find my passion, something that I'm actually good at and I want to do the rest of my life. This is hard because there are so many things that I like but not love in life. Or love but not well at. Or love but don't want to do it the rest of my life. Nothing is certain at the moment and I just need a plan and search for my passion.

Life must move on. The world doesn't stop spinning just because you can’t see the light of day. Life is waiting. Don’t miss out on it. Every second is a chance to be born again. Embrace the opportunities life has to offer- regret is probably more painful than heartache. You can love again, but you can’t live again.

love your life..

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